When You’re Struggling to Worship

Lately, I have felt dry when I worship the Lord. It’s a hard place to be in. I want to connect with Him, feel His presence, and know that He is in the room with me. It doesn’t matter where I worship, alone or with others, this isolation has remained. I know in my head that worship isn’t about me or how I am feeling, but I’ve gotten so used to experiencing the tangible presence of God that I longed for His presence to come back. I don’t think longing for His presence is a bad thing, but I do believe that we enter into a gray space when our eyes come off of Him and turn inward to ourselves and what we want from Him. 

Finding God 

Then, I went to visit a friend in Washington, and while I was there, I attended a worship service put on by a ministry called “The Finding.” I went because I love Jesus and I love to worship, but I wasn’t expecting much. What I found there was more valuable than I can put into words.

One of the first things the pastor said was, “Jesus doesn’t walk into a room where His name is mentioned; He walks into a room where He is adored and honored.” In that room that night, Jesus was adored and honored. He walked into the room in a way I had never experienced before. Not because we had said His name but because I was standing in a room with 300 others that adored and honored Him. For the first time in worship, I didn’t ask God for His presence or for Him to speak or to move (although those are beautiful displays of God). Instead, I decided I want Jesus. That’s the only reason I was there: to minister directly to the heart of God. 

That three-hour service felt like no time at all. I set my gaze on Jesus, with only Him as the one desire of my heart. Immediately, I was brought to tears because I felt like I finally got it. 

Is He Worthy?

I have had many moments when my worship felt like noise, and I never understood why. Now, I can look back and understand that worship without engaging with the heart of Jesus is just noise. I have often found myself waiting for a church service to be over or a certain song to end. That happens when I am not engaging with the heart of God, when I’m not in communion with Him. When I am truly beholding my King and Savior, I don’t want it to end. I finally understand why my worship was feeling dry. I was more worried about what God could do for me and how I could experience Him rather than giving Him the glory and honor He is due.

I have heard so many people talk about engaging with the heart of God, and I have had moments where I knew I was doing just that, but it didn’t feel like something that was easily accessible to me. Engaging with the heart of God is simply setting our affection and attention on Him. It doesn’t matter who is leading worship, it doesn’t matter if I like the song playing, it doesn’t matter if it’s been three hours and the service is still going. When we learn to lock in and engage with the heart of God, all the other stuff fades away. We were made to host the presence of God, we were made to connect with Him, and we were made to worship Him. 

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The Secret Place

Worship isn’t just singing songs, and worship isn’t where the power is found. Worship is laying down one’s life at the foot of the cross; the power is found when we engage with the heart of Jesus. When we worship Jesus and set our adoration on Him as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, we enter into communion with Him. This is where we will experience powerful moves of the Holy Spirit. I have learned that when God displays Himself in this way, it will always point back to the cross. Healing will point to Jesus as the healer, deliverance will point to Jesus as the deliverer, and salvation will point to Jesus as the Savior. 

The thing I always need to remind myself of is that I’m not here because I want or deserve to see healing, signs, and wonders. I am here because Jesus is worthy. He is worthy of our worship, and He is worthy of our lives. In my quiet time one day, the Lord asked me, “If you never saw another miracle or healing, if you never heard my voice again, would you still follow me?” That question honestly scared me, but I knew that I didn’t want the fire behind my faith to be conditional on God showing up in supernatural ways. I wanted the fire to come from the deep relationship we had built in the secret place. No matter what God does or doesn’t do in front of me, He is worthy of my life. I never want to forget that.